Emo?
by Capybara
Summary: One morning Sasuke wakes up and realizes a terrible truth about himself......is he emo? And if so, can he save himself? Rated T for language and mild themes...FINALLY COMPLETE!
1. Emo?

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

A/N: Don't ask. I just had to know what would happen if Sasuke (this story takes place assuming he never left Konoha) realized that he was emo. (Because you have to admit that he is.) Anyway, enjoy this bizarre conjuring of my imagination. More chapters may be posted depending on how this one is recieved...

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A beam of morning sunlight, focused by the slight crack in the curtains, struck the sleeping Sasuke right in the eye. Moments later his eyes flew open, and he hissed at the unwelcome light. Cursing under his breath he rolled over and rubbed his watering eyes.

"Ow……"

When his eyes had sufficiently recovered, Sasuke stood up and walked lazily to his closet. He must have slept in—usually he was awake before the sun decided to pester him. Oddly enough, Sasuke was in a cheery mood. Perhaps the extra hour of sleep had done him some good, or had some other ridiculous healthy impact.

Opening the closet door, he peered in.

Black shirts, black pants, more black shirts….those nameless overgrown black rubber bands….another black pair of pants….

Sasuke rummaged through the furthest corner, and found…..more black. Black, black and more black, punctuated only by the spattering red and white from the Uchiha Clan symbol. A frown formed on his naturally pouty lips. Didn't he still have a blue shirt somewhere…..? He didn't want to wear black today.

Aghast at the thought, he slapped a hand to his forehead, mostly in an act of scolding, but in a small part checking for a fever caused by an unknown illness.

_Tch_, he argued to himself, _it isn't like I'm emo or anything. I am allowed to wear something other than black if I feel like it! _He'd just never felt like it since he'd turned thirteen. Sasuke crossed his arms in defiance of himself, but couldn't completely dispel a horrible sneaking suspicion….Cautiously he walked up to the mirror in the bathroom and peered at himself. A sour face leered back at him. Sasuke was pleased, until he realized that it was not a sour face of the I-don't-give-a-crap-I'm-too-far-above-you variety, it was one from the dreaded I-don't-give-a-crap-don't-judge-me-you-don't-know-me kind! When had this happened?!

"…No…"

The face in the mirror mimicked the movement of his lips.

"….It can't be…."

The face's eyes grew wide.

"….I can't be…"

The face's skin grew paler than usual, and Sasuke had to turn away in horror.

"…..I'M EMO…!!!" His voice was a ragged whisper.

Panicked, he paced around his bed in an endless circle, pretending that, among everything else, he was not still wearing his _black_ boxers. How could this have happened? When did he, the Great Uchiha Sasuke, become emo? He was an avenger! He was _not _emo!! He _could not _be emo!!

His overactive imagination took hold, and he could hear Itachi _laughing _at him. Laughing!!

Uchihas did not laugh: that was the first thing wrong with the morbid fantasy. The second was that Itachi laughed even less than all the other Uchihas. The third, of course, was that while the prestigious Uchihas did not laugh, they were not emo.

All the Uchihas had long, conveniently eye-obscuring bangs, wore dark, and generally brooded about, but they were not emo. The disturbed, slightly sleepy looking boy in the mirror _was _emo.

Struck by sudden insight, Sasuke sat down, cross-legged and still clad only in boxers on the floor. Perhaps….this was the reason he could not kill Itachi? This "weakness"….was it the result of straying from the honored Uchiha path and falling into the tangled demented forests of emo-ness? Then there was only one option available to him. Glancing at the curse-mark on his shoulder, he winced when he realized that too was black!

Yes…the only choice he had….was to stop being emo! Right this instant!

On the spot he swore a vow of chastity from emo-ness for the rest of his messed-up life.

Then he returned to his closet. The sea of black that met his eyes disgusted him. Tonight there would be some fun target practice for the katon jutsu. But, before sending the brands of emo-ness up in curly smoke, he had to get a new wardrobe! Emo or not, it would simply not do to have him walking around the streets in his boxers. Uchihas were not for everybody's unworthy eyes!

Grudgingly he slipped on black pants, a black shirt, and his wonderfully blue sandals. He'd always liked those sandals.

Good thing Team Seven had no missions for today, because he was on one of his own, and one of more importance than any S-rank in the entire world! (Besides that of the undoubtedly S-rank mission that read "Hunt down and utterly humiliate Uchiha Itachi before killing him with an unimaginably slow and painful technique".)

Mission: Save Uchiha Sasuke had begun!

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A/N: Now, that wasn't so bad, was it? Please review...favorable ones may produce more chapters if anyone happens to be interested... 


	2. KO!

Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own it. Whatever gave you that idea?

A/N: Here's the next chapter. Dunno if I'll bother with another one...(insert typical begging for reviews).

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Chapter 1

Sasuke was half a block from his apartment when he realized he'd forgotten his wallet. Money was necessary for the purchase of clothes. He had no intention of stealing clothes; not today, anyway. Best to save the criminal record for other unexpected matters.

After returning to his room and collecting his money (and quite a bit of it too—inheriting the entire clan's fortune wasn't the worst event in his life) Sasuke once more set out with determination and purpose! His entire wardrobe had to be replaced, as well as his wallet….it was black too. How could he have been so oblivious of the terrible decline into his current state?

The first stop on his route was the KO store—Konoha Outfitters. He didn't pick the name, he just shopped there. After all, there was no better place for all the right brands at all the right prices!!

Crowded as the KO store was, he quickly maneuvered his way to the appropriate clothing section. Hopefully he didn't run into anyone he knew—the cocoon was so terribly ugly before the butterfly emerged, after all—no one really needed to see his miraculous transformation from emo to Superior Uchiha. They just needed to awe at the results.

Now, because black was no longer an option, he was confronted with a horrible choice: What would be his new base color? He needed a good, strong, non-emo base color on which to build his new collection on. Black went with everything and nothing; colors required some sort of coordination. But what kind of style should he choose?

Perhaps a complete reversal would not be so bad. Maybe white was the way to go. It didn't require too much coordination, just in case his color-matching skills were a tad bit rusty from temporary disuse. Or maybe blue? It'd worked for him in the past, and it was a good, strong masculine color. Gray was an acceptable color, although it was dangerously close to black. Red was out of the question: it'd drown out the beauty (if he did say so himself) of his Sharingan too much. The Sharingan excluded green too. There would be no Christmas Uchihas!

Purple, orange, and yellow needed no logical explanation. They were just plain ugly. And as for purple………….Sasuke shuddered. No purple.

So, among those options, three were acceptable.

White, blue, or gray.

Such a difficult decision.

He stared out at the racks of clothing, from shirts to shuriken pouches, and considered. His very future could be determined from this choice!

"This can only be decided by careful research," he muttered to himself. Then he set about collecting every gray, blue and white shirt he came across, regardless of the style or brand. Almost instantly he acquired an enormous pile of clothes. Now---to find a dressing room!

Sasuke sauntered confidently off in the presumable direction of the dressing room; regrettably, he couldn't see over the pile of tri-colored clothing. No matter. As an Uchiha he was born with a dangerously accurate sense of direction and the ability to pull off anything with grace and poise. Ah yes, it was good to be an Uchiha.

He felt himself hit the floor before he realized he'd tripped. The culprit? Sasuke removed himself from his face-plant into the clothes (luckily they'd broken his fall) and turned to see…..a big yellow sign that read "Caution: Wet Floor". Irritatingly enough, it was also illustrated with a stick-figure shinobi face-planting on the stick-figure floor. Sasuke growled at it and stood up with deadly intent. The sign would live no longer. He would turn it into a pile of charred, black ashes.

Blinking, he examined that train of thought.

No, he corrected, he would turn it into a pile of charred, _gray _ashes. Black was not an option!

Before he managed to perform the proper hand signs for turning offending yellow signs into piles of charred grey ashes, it struck Sasuke that if no one had seen his fall, then there was no point hovering around the scene of the crime! His dignity might yet be saved!

Hastily he gathered the clothes up and sauntered off once more in a different direction: the dressing room was at the opposite end of the store anyway! This time he reached the dressing rooms without incident. Good. Very good.

He slipped silently into a room and undressed, gratefully taking off the black clothes.

The first shirt he tried on was white. Not a bad color on him, he decided while posing elegantly in the mirror. He spun around to see how he looked from behind. The back was too plain without the Uchiha symbol, but that could be fixed. Same for the shirt's boringly small collar. Collars must be large and imposing!

Gray was all right. Maybe a little dull, though.

Blue looked perfect. Sasuke smirked at his new reflection. No one would ever think he was emo in this. Already he could feel his strength returning! Emo-ness must have been the awful weakness plaguing him for so long! Finally he could become the avenger he'd always wanted to be!

"Heh heh heh," Sasuke chuckled quietly to himself. Hmm. Surely he could laugh more evilly than that! "Heh _heh heh hehhhhh_..." Well, he'd just have to practice some more in front of the mirror tonight. But he'd get it eventually. And then Itachi had better be scared!

"Foolish little _big_ brother," Sasuke taunted his reflection. "You don't have enough…."

Wait for it, wait for it…..

"…..enough……enough……………._strengthness_! And you have too much _weakness_!"

Sasuke grinned at the thought of Itachi's terrified expression after hearing that devilish taunt.

But returning to the matter at hand—now that blue was his chosen color, he needed to choose the style of shirt. Short-sleeves, long-sleeves, or three-quarter sleeves? And for his pants…should they be pants, or preferably shorts? He faced the pile of clothes awaiting his attention, and began the process of transformation.

* * *

Four hours later Sasuke was tired, hungry, and sporting an entirely re-done wardrobe. It'd taken him three trips from the store to his apartment to get all of the new clothes. The mass of black clothing was tossed out ruthlessly onto the floor.

Sasuke redressed himself in brand new clothes, and set out to have lunch. Let the entire world see now! The transformation was complete, the butterfly had emerged from the deformed chrysalis; Sasuke was no longer emo!!!


	3. Battle at Ichiraku

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN IT!!!! Duh.

A/N: Well, since I haven't gotten flamed for this yet, I suppose I'll just keep writing it. So here it is. I really hate the ending, but I was having a bit of writer's block...sorry 'bout that guys. And there's an awful lot of dialogue too...grrr.

Please review. Or flame. Or whatever.

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Chapter 2

Leaving his apartment, Sasuke proudly strode forward toward the Ichiraku noodle shop. He even remembered his wallet. His nice, new, brown wallet, thank you very much. Unlike a few hours before, he wanted people to see him now. Let them see the new Uchiha!

He strutted about for a moment. Then he stopped. Uchihas did not strut. They "graced". Of course. He did not need to strut about in other people's presences. Instead, he would _grace_ them with _his _presence! The innocent bystanders on the street should all feel very honored!

"Thank you, thank you very much," He murmured under his breath, closing his eyes haughtily and mock-bowing to no one in particular. Oh yes, they loved him!

"Um….Sasuke, what are you doing?"

Sasuke jerked out of his overblown fantasy.

"What?" he snapped, all "gracing" momentarily forgotten.

"Nothing," Sakura answered. "I was just curious as to what you were doing spinning around on the sidewalk with your eyes closed."

"Gracing."

"Huh?" Clearly his very clarifying answer confused her even more.

Sasuke fought back the temptation to shrug, pout his lips, and ignore her as he continued on his way to lunch. But he couldn't do that. That was too emo-ish. It was also Uchiha-like, but it was such a fine-line….best not to risk it at the moment. Instead, he turned to face her fully, and put a hand coquettishly on his hips.

"I was just going to go get some lunch, Sakura," he said, making sure to display his new clothes fully. Any minute now, being Sakura, she would say something flattering to him like, 'Oh, Sasuke, you're not an emo like everybody says you are! You're just devilishly Uchiha!' or 'Wow Sasuke! You look so much stronger than you did yesterday! You look like you could go fight Itachi and just pummel his stupid girlie face straight into the dirt!'

True to her nature, Sakura opened her mouth to say something.

Sasuke half-smirked in anticipation of her comment.

"Oh…..Sasuke….you look…" Sakura was at a loss for words. Sasuke understood. It was hard to describe his glory, he knew.

"—different."

He waited for more.

And waited. Before the silence could get awkward, he prompted, "…And?"

"Uh….well, different. A good different though…but certainly different and…uh…." Sakura scrambled to save herself. Sasuke found her sudden inability to speak irritating.

"Hmph. If you've got nothing to say, I'm going to eat. I'm hungry," Sasuke crossed his arms. Sakura's eyes lit up.

"Oh! I haven't eaten yet! Can I come with you?"

She never missed an opportunity to ask him out on a date.

He never missed an opportunity to turn her down.

"Sure, why not?" He said, forcing a smile on his face. Emo people didn't smile, which meant he must smile—judging by Sakura's half-hearted reaction, he still wasn't obviously not emo. Smiling proved to be a weird action for him. It'd been so long, his muscles didn't quite know what to do, and he had a horrible suspicion he looked like a confused, misguided, awkward, delusional, and messed-up teenager. That wouldn't do. He'd have to practice smiling in the mirror tonight too.

Sakura's face froze in an expression of incredulous happiness.

"R-really? You mean it?!"

"Sure, why n—" Sasuke was repeating, when she glommed onto his arm.

"Oh my gosh, Sasuke! I thought this day would never come!"

Sasuke decided the situation was quite awkward.

"This isn't a date Sakura. Get off my arm."

"Oh….sorry," She let go and stepped aside. Sasuke immediately felt better. He didn't like it when people were in his special Sasuke bubble.

The rest of the distance to Ichiraku was fairly awkward too, but at least Sakura kept her distance. Sasuke kept waiting for her to realize that he wasn't emo any more, but she seemed unusually dense today. Tch. At least maybe there'd be someone else at Ichiraku who'd notice. Except Naruto. Anyone but Naruto. Which was actually a stupid train of thought, because Naruto didn't eat anywhere _but _Ichiraku. But today was a day for miracles, so perhaps Naruto would be absent. Sasuke hoped so.

They arrived at Ichiraku, and but who to his wondering eyes should appear…..

"What are you doing here, Uchiha?"

Rock Lee.

That was unexpected. Traditional irony suggested that Naruto would be the one to pop out uninvited. But Rock Lee? That was stupidly unexpected. Sasuke wasn't sure how to respond.

"Eating," he supplied intelligently.

"And I'm eating with him," Sakura asserted, grabbing his arm again.

"But not _with _me," Sasuke added.

"So I can't eat with you, Lee," Sakura concluded.

Lee's face was only mildly disappointed. "That's okay Sakura. I'm here with Ino, anyway."

Sakura's grip tightened on his arm. Sasuke coughed. Lee smiled. Sakura squeezed harder. Sasuke's eye twitched. His bubble was feeling very invaded.

"What the heck are you wearing Sasuke?!" asked Naruto through a mouthful of ramen.

That's not fair! Sasuke protested mentally. He was only supposed to meet one annoying person. Fate wasn't on his side anymore.

"Clothes," Sasuke answered with his usual curt intelligence.

"But those aren't you kind of clothes!" Naruto cried. Sasuke almost forgot about Sakura's annoying intrusion into his personal bubble—maybe Naruto, of all people, would notice his new attire!!

"They're not?" prodded Sasuke.

"No!" Naruto answered sagely. He paused to stuff another set of noodles into his mouth. Without much further chewing, he continued, "You always wear cool clothes. Those suck."

Crrrrrrrack. Sasuke literally heard his patience shatter. The dobe was so dead.

"EEEEEEEE!!!! Sasuke! Don't kill him!" Sakura knew from long experience that there would be a great deal of violence if she didn't step in like a good noble lady and put herself between the two rivals. Sasuke just looked at her. Did she have any idea how stupid she always sounded? Like he really cared whether or not she was in the way of his attack. Might as well be able to kill to annoyances with one chidori. Hmm. Such a clever turn of phrase. Kill two annoyances with one chidori. Maybe he should start saying it and see if it caught on…

"Wow. That was unnecessarily loud, Sakura," Lee commented, holding his aching ears.

"You try and stop those two when they start going for each other's throat," Sakura snapped.

"Why stop when you could watch?" Lee asked. "It is such a wonderful opportunity to study their individual techniques as well as their strengths and weaknesses, and Guy Sensei always says that—"

"Oh, shut up you over-achiever," Sakura muttered.

Sasuke gave Naruto a look of death. Too bad the murderous technique didn't exactly murder. If only he could kill people with a dirty look…….

"What? Are you trying to kill me with a 'murderous look of death'?" teased Naruto.

"I'm gonna come over there and strangle you with your beloved ramen if you don't—"

Ino chose this time to make her untimely timely appearance. She sidled casually up to Sakura's side, and quickly looked the situation over.

"Aren't you valiantly going to throw yourself in the way of the attack to stop them?"

"I already tried, but it must be pretty serious. Sasuke just ignored me. Luckily, though, I still have his arm. He can't do anything if I'm attached to his arm. And believe me Ino, I'll never let—"she made a fairly interesting squealing noise when Sasuke flung her off to the side on his way to strangle Naruto with lukewarm noodles. Ino clucked her tongue and shook her head. Sakura ever was the disgrace to the female race.

"How _dare _you insult my clothes!" Sasuke growled.

"Why? They look like you're over-compensating for being emo or something! I mean, come on, sky-blue shorts?!" Naruto asked disgustedly.

"They match my baby-blue bandages!!" roared Sasuke, grabbing his left wrist in preparation for a chidori. Naruto pushed his ramen to safety and stood ready for a rasengan. A tense moment held them both poised for the utter destruction of the other, and the simultaneous destruction of Ichiraku. Both waited an extra second to see if anyone wanted to stop them. Self-sacrifice, anyone?

No one volunteered to make the scene more dramatic, so—

"Did I miss it yet? Are they both dead?!" Orochimaru asked anxiously, poking his head in. Everyone turned to look at him. Orochimaru's golden snake-eyes searched around for a second, and then froze happily on Sasuke. His mouth turned up into a twisted grin.

"Omigosh, yay! I'm just in time!!!" The serpentine ninja clapped his hands gleefully. "Go Sasuke!!! If you can't do it, nobody can!!"

Silence.

"What's everyone looking at me for?" Orochimaru asked suspiciously. "I just came to see Sasuke." He gave the poor Uchiha an obvious once-over. Sasuke scowled.

"Go away Orochimaru, I'm not interested in you anymore. I've found a way to gain true power without you," Sasuke informed bluntly, shooing him with a wave of his hand. Orochimaru took the news easily. "Oh, of course you have, Sasuke-boy. Someday you'll see I'm perfect for you, but I'll go if you want me too. Just remember, I'll be waiting," he said, giggling in his best seductive manner. "By the way, nice shorts."

Orochimaru disappeared as randomly as he'd appeared.

Naruto summed up the entire group's feelings:

"That was weird."

Sakura, Lee, and Ino nodded in agreement.

"Ummm, let's forget about that," Sasuke remarked. "So, are you ready to die now?"

"You can't fight now!" complained Lee. "The mood has been broken. There is no point in fighting anymore." Again, everyone nodded in agreement. Sasuke thought they all looked like bobble-heads. How very undignified of them.

Still, it was obvious to all that the moment was over—they all lingered around awkwardly for a while, before finding convenient excuses to escape the awkwardness. Even Sasuke left and made it happily to his apartment with a growling stomach. In all the excitement, he'd forgotten to have lunch. But since it was not Uchiha-like to admit such a trivial mistake, he suffered until dinner. While waiting for the highly anticipated meal, Sasuke posed in front of his mirror and practiced evil chuckling and the bizarre motion of smiling. He also took a second look at his shorts. Perhaps Naruto was right. Maybe he was overcompensating just a little….

"Well, I'll just have to stop that," he told himself. "Heh heh heheheh _heh_." Sighing, he tried again.

"HEh HEh heEH…………………..no, that's not right either. Heeeeeeeheee _heh_ ha heh….."

Damn, was it hard to laugh evilly.


	4. Apply Directly to Forehead

Disclaimer: Me no own.

A/N: This chapter has too much dialogue, again. And I just wrote it as it came, so some unexpected characters showed up...oh well.

And Neji's out of character. WAY out of character. But that's why it's funny.

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Chapter 3 

"No way! Really?! Never…..!!" Tenten gasped, covering her mouth in horror. Rock Lee nodded somberly, emphasizing the motion with a grunt of affirmation. Tenten's eyes grew even wider. Neji crossed his arms and snorted at the thought.

"And I have not even told you--" Lee stood up for effect, masterfully building the suspense to a sickening pitch. Neji felt a bit queasy. Even after all these years, he still wasn't entirely immune to Lee's unique brand of acting. "—about the baby-blue bandages."

"NO!" squealed Tenten. "How could he have done that to himself? WHY?!?!"

"Geez, it's not that big of a deal," Neji huffed. "Besides, why would you care?"

Tenten looked at him.

"Why? WHY? Why should I care that the most attractive and only Uchiha in Konoha just suddenly decides that 'gay' is a better look than 'emo'?!? YOU TELL ME!!!" she roared, causing even Lee to take a step back. Neji stood flabbergasted. His mouth fumbled for words, but only a weird babbling sound came out. Tenten drew her arms to her chest and looked at him, eyes wet in a very out-of-character femininity.

"Buh…..buh….buh…" Neji said stupidly. Eventually, his Hyuuga instinct kicked in, and he shut his mouth to save any remaining shreds of dignity. Oh, but how could he be worried about dignity?! The only girl he'd ever loved just told him she _liked _Sasuke!! She thought he was _attractive_!!! Neji felt his knees grow weak. How could he be beaten by the Uchiha? Swallowing a hard lump in his throat, he tried once more for speech.

"But….Tenten," he heard himself squeak. "I-I thought you weren't like other girls! I thought you were proud that you weren't one of Sasuke's innumerable air-headed fans!"

Tenten sighed effeminately, and looked away from Neji.

"Well, the truth is……I jumped on the Sasuke bandwagon the day you lost to Naruto in the Chunnin exams…."she admitted. "I mean, what else could I do? You let yourself lose to him, and I thought 'Do I want to be stuck with someone who gets knocked out by one stupid punch in the face?' And, after that, you just didn't have the same tragic air about you. That's…boring."

Neji stared at her, slack-jawed. It just wasn't fair! And it didn't make any sense!

"I think I should stop this horrible soap-opera," Lee remarked. "Before somebody starts crying." He glanced suspiciously at Neji. Neji sniffed.

"I'm sorry Neji," Tenten said, and left. She had to stop Sasuke before he did something worse to himself!

* * *

Hinata was casually walking around the Hyuga complex, when she accidentally bumped into someone staring at the ground, just like her. 

"O-oh! I'm sorry," she apologized hastily, blushing in embarrassment. Then she realized it was Neji. And he looked….strange.

Neji glared at her. Stupid Head Branch anyway!

"Hmpf!"

"I-I'm sorry Neji. R-really…."

The male Hyuga was greatly annoyed to have his heart-broken brooding interrupted by a nervously smiling Hinata. He decided she was as good a target as any to vent his rage on.

"You!" He pointed exaggeratedly, a small part of his mind noting he was copying the horribly cheesy acting of a certain shinobi with a bowl-cut…

"Y-yes?"

"You stupid Main Branch princess!!" He now pointed to her Leaf-village headband around her neck. "How is your forehead-protector supposed to protect your forehead if it's around your neck?!"

"Huh?"

"That's what I thought!" Satisfied, he stalked off—quickly—to an uninhabited quadrant. Hinata just watched him. When he'd disappeared from her sight, she looked down at her headband, and wondered. Maybe she should wear her headband on her head….

* * *

"OH, LEE!!!" 

"GUY-SENSEI!!!!"

The two green-spandex wearing shinobi embraced in a bone shattering hug. Both wept on the other's shoulders, appearing for all the world like a horrible nightmare of demented manliness. After quite the sob-fest, Guy put his hands on Lee's shoulders.

"Oh Lee, that's just horrible! I can only imagine how torn-up you must be feeling on the inside!! Truly, something this traumatic must not be borne alone!! You can always cry on my shoulder!!!" Guy howled.

"Oh Guy-sensei!!" The impassioned speech sent both into another round of tears.

"The horrible heart-break of youth…." Guy muttered after they'd parted again.

"And just imagine how Neji's feeling right now!" Lee added. Guy nodded.

"The poor boy…if only there was something we could do for him…" mused Guy.

"Guy-sensei…what if we tried to get them back together? Surely Tenten cannot be in love with the Uchiha, not after his new sense of fashion."

Guy nodded.

"It's a shame about that. If only he'd gone with green spandex….But we should definitely get them back together! Youth and true love will always triumph in the end!!!"

And so they began to plan.

* * *

When Sasuke woke the next morning, he tentatively tried to smile. The muscles ached from the harsh training of the previous night…but the motion felt a little better. He watched the stranger in the mirror, who had a boyish crooked smile. Frankly, it scared him. Such a change. But change was good. And he'd do anything to kill Itachi, even if it meant strained smiling muscles. 

As he had yesterday, he paced around his bed. (But this time he had baby-blue boxers on!) The reaction at Ichiraku wasn't quite the one he'd been aiming for. So, clearly, he was still too emo. Or not stereotypical enough to fit into some other stereotype. That would not do! But what _would _do?

"I need to do something drastic!" he concluded, voicing his conclusion proudly. There had to be another way to change his image. What could he possibly…Sasuke stood up triumphantly. He was even more of a genius than everyone said he was! He'd figured out the perfect way to change his style. Itachi was so dead.

Excitedly he donned a baby-blue shirt and—gray!—pants. He decided it was best to leave the bandages off for a change. Besides, they'd take too long to put on! And he was very, very eager to go out…..and get his hair cut!!

* * *

A/N: The usual. Review if you want another chapter. Oh! And please tell me--what is the worst hairstyle Sasuke could possibly have? Because I haven't fully decided on a style yet, your suggestions are welcome and appreciated! 


	5. The Master of

Disclaimer: I don't own it, and never will...

A/N: Here' s the next chapter...dun dun DUN! What will happen this time?

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Chapter 4 

"I officially call to order the 84th meeting of the SasukeSeven," Ino announced, banging a hammer very officially on the counter. She got to be the leader of the meetings because the top-secret organization, the SasukeSeven, always met in her flower shop after hours. It made her feel important to bang a hammer around, even when it wasn't really necessary.

"You've been keeping track?" Tenten asked skeptically.

Ino frowned and glared at the other girl. She'd always disliked her, and knew the feeling was mutual, ever since they'd quarreled about the name of their group many years ago….Naturally, Tenten had wanted to call the group the SasukeTen, after herself. Ino thought that horribly selfish, since there were only _four _actual members, five if you counted the one uninvited guest who always seemed to show up…

"No, no, it's the 85th!" Orochimaru whined. "Don't forget the one we had when Sasuke accidentally kissed Naruto!"

"Orochimaru! Go away! We don't want you in our club! And don't remind us about that absolutely sickening day!" Sakura shuddered. "Ick……that was just nasty. Poor Sasuke….he's been through so much…" She sidled closer to Hinata and away from Orochimaru.

"But ladies…" Orochimaru groveled. "I'm a devout member! When have I ever done something to Sasuke that was not for the greater good? I even got you all those pictures for—"

Hinata turned beet red at the thought and squeaked. Though she'd never admit it to Orochimaru, she still kept those pictures under the seventh tatami mat on the far left side of her room. And she had a feeling Tenten kept her copies someplace special too, but she'd never actually figured out where.

Orochimaru observed her reaction and smiled. He was pleased that he still had some leverage in this wonderful group. Imagine his delight, when, upon his return to Konoha, he'd found an entire group dedicated to the one and only Sasuke! They had a misleading name…but he ignored the strange choice. It wasn't his problem that they couldn't count.

"Orochimaru!" Ino slammed her coveted hammer down. "The SasukeSeven is a group of _girls_!! _Teenage_ girls! You're just a messed-up old man!!" She followed her outburst with three more strikes of the hammer. Tomorrow, her mom would probably yell at her for destroying the countertop….again.

"Oh, come now!" Orochimaru flicked his wrist in a feminine manner. "You've put up with me for the last 84 meetings. What will one more hurt?"

"U-u-uh….he is r-right," Hinata admitted. Sakura raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment. Tenten shrugged her shoulders and stood up.

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that……Sasuke's new concept of fashion is absolutely unbefitting of him!"

The other three girls exchanged pained sighs.

Orochimaru looked confused.

"What? That's what the meeting's about? And here I thought it was some sort of emergency or something."

"I-I-it is an e-emergency," Hinata fiddled with her headband. It felt funny on her forehead, and it pushed her bangs into her eyes. Luckily, she'd only run into one wall so far, and her forehead _had_ been protected…

"What kind of an emergency? I think he looks positively ga—" Orochimaru shut his mouth.

"—THAT'S THE PROBLEM, YOU SICK MAN!!" Sakura bawled.

Ino banged her hammer. Silence fell.

"Order! Order! Clearly, there's going to be a conflict of…interest…," she stated, inserting a fake gag for emphasis. Orochimaru pretended not to notice.

"I object!" Tenten growled. "He's not even a member! Why should we care? It is an emergency! We have to do something before Sasuke is ruined!"

Mentally, Ino agreed with her words, but because it had been Tenten who said them, she felt compelled to attack.

"So what if he's not a member? He's still a part of the SasukeSeven, whether you like it or not, he does more for Sasuke than you do!"

Simultaenously, Sakura and Hinata's jaws dropped. Orochimaru tried to smile pleasingly. He'd just found an unexpected advantage.

* * *

Neji moped around the deserted part of the Hyuuga complex. There was no denying it anymore. His life positively sucked. A bird chirped and flew out of a tree. He watched it wheel around gleefully in the sky, wishing the whole time for it to drop dead. It wasn't fair. If he couldn't be happy, no one should be happy! The world didn't understand him at all! His destiny sucked, and there was no escaping it.

He stood up because he was tired of sitting, but found he was instantly tired of standing. He settled for a squat, and glared holes into the shrubbery concealing him from the rest of his clan.

In the distance he could hear the sound of people laughing and talking. It just made him feel even worse.

How could Tenten just leave him like that? Didn't she care just a little bit?

"She doesn't care about me," he pouted. "No one cares about me…."

The world had abandoned him, and so it was time for him to abandon the world. Of course, it wouldn't be right if he just decided to abandon the world. No, he had to let the world know, somehow.

Neji understood what he had to do. At least he had a purpose again. It was the only thing that'd gone right for him so far.

* * *

"He's probably moping in the bushes on the edge of the Hyuuga complex," Lee said. "He always goes there because he thinks no one knows about the place."

"Good job Lee!!" Guy grinned, his bright teeth sparkling painfully in the sun. "It is truly wonderful you know your teammate so well!" Lee smiled, proud that Guy was proud of him. He'd do anything for Guy Sensei, so spying on Neji was no big deal. It was easy too; the Hyuuga was too involved with his own air of self-importance to notice being followed. That, or his sense of importance was inflated with the knowledge that he had a stalker. Lee wasn't sure which it was, and he didn't think too hard on it. It made his head hurt. Why couldn't all people be as open and understanding as Guy Sensei?

The two quickly arrived on the scene, only to find no one sulking in the bushes.

"That is strange," Lee muttered.

"He isn't here," Guy remarked.

"No, he isn't," Lee replied. They looked around at the obviously empty area for a while. Finally Guy straightened up and posed animatedly.

"Then that can only mean one thing……!!"

"What Guy Sensei?!"

"That he is….somewhere else!!" Guy let his pupil absorb the fact, before pointing in a random direction. "We must look elsewhere! Come, Lee!!"

"Yes Guy Sensei!!"

Everyday, Lee was astonished at how lucky he was to have Guy as his Sensei.

* * *

Sasuke managed to get halfway to his hairdresser's before someone stopped him.

"Uchiha. Wait. I need to talk to you."

It was Neji. Sasuke turned slowly, dramatically, to face him. A Hyuuga never talked to an Uchiha unless it was a matter of great importance, or a challenge of supremacy. Haughtily, Sasuke turned his nose to the air.

"What is it, Hyuga?"

Then he got his first look at Neji. He'd never seen him like this. Usually, the Hyuuga radiated arrogance and power, so much so that it almost appeared as an aura around him. But now….his head bowed to the ground, and his voice was dull. Sasuke wondered what had reduced him to this. But he couldn't appear too curious, so he refrained from asking if there was a problem.

"Come with me. We have to talk," Neji repeated lifelessly.

"Why should I?" Sasuke asked. He glanced down the street. His hairdresser was only a few blocks away! He wanted to get there quickly, so that he could correct his emo problem. Hopefully, he could rid himself of the Hyuuga quickly…even if his curiosity was growing by the second. It delighted him to see he wasn't the only one having a hard time.

"Come with me…." Neji's voice got even softer. "Please."

Sasuke almost fell over. Natually, his Uchiha blood forbade him from such an action, but it was a close call. Had the Hyuuga just said 'please'? It must really be serious. He gave a last longing look down the block, sighed, and replied:

"Fine. But make it quick. I have a lot of very important business to attend to."

Neji started walking wordlessly. Sasuke decided he was supposed to follow, but he was miffed that Neji didn't even bother to follow up his 'please' with a 'thank-you'. If he was going to grovel for assistance, he should do it right!

Neji led Sasuke to his favorite moping place, not even bothering to notice the many large footprints left in the dirt and a lingering sparkle. Sasuke did, but said nothing. It was the Hyuuga's business what he did in his spare time.

"No one ever comes here," Neji mumbled. "So we're safe here."

Sasuke arched a graceful Uchiha eyebrow. The Hyuuga clan was really losing it.

He stamped his foot impatiently.

"What do you want? I already told you I'm busy!"

"Sasuke, I have a favor to ask. But you're the only one who I can ask, because you're a master of it yourself," Neji began. This time, not even his Uchiha blood could stop Sasuke from stumbling in surprise.

"And I wouldn't normally ask a favor of an Uchiha," continued Neji, "but I don't have a choice. The world has forced my hand; this is the only thing I can do."

Sasuke was interested now. Flattery was good, but a Hyuuga begging for help was priceless.

"I don't know, an Uchiha normally wouldn't grant a favor to a Hyuga…" Sasuke remarked, pretending to inspect his nails. He couldn't help playing with Neji, not when he was just asking for it.

Neji scowled, but bowed his head even lower.

"Please Sasuke. You must. I need you to…"

Sasuke drew in a breath. This was going to be good, maybe something even worth missing his hair appointment for. He waited for the wonderfully pathetic request that was sure to come--

"…teach me how to be emo."

--and froze.

"I mean, you're the only real emo ninja in Konoha. I thought you could teach me all the minute techniques. I'm sick of being what everyone wants me to be!" Neji said.

Sasuke found he was almost shaking in anger.

"DAMN IT HYUUGA!! I AM **_NOT _**EMO!!!" Sasuke roared. "STOP THINKING YOU KNOW WHO I AM OR HOW I FEEL!! I WILL **_NOT _**TEACH YOU TO BE EMO, BECAUSE I AM **_NOT _**EMO!!"

Neji could only watch with wide eyes. And Sasuke wasn't done yet.

"AND EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT YOUR STUPID MOPING-PLACE!!!!"

With that, Sasuke stomped off, snarling and growling ferally under his breath, leaving behind a very, very, very shell-shocked Hyuga. After several minutes he collected himself enough to squeak:

"B-but no one knows about my moping-place..."

"Oh! See Guy-Sensei? I told you he would be here!"

* * *

A/N: Kekekeke...poor Neji, poor Sasuke...hehehe. Anyway, I'm sure you noticed that Sasuke never quite made it to the hairdresser's. So, I'm still open for suggestions as to his new hairstyle, though I think I have one picked out already. But please tell me what you think! I love hearing from all of you!


	6. Tea Time

Disclaimer: Look it up in the dictionary. It's self-explanatory, really.

A/N: Sorry for taking so long on this chapter. I just haven't had the time to write in it at all. Stupid holidays anyway. But the moment no one's really been waiting for is here: Sasuke's new hairstyle!! Thanks to all of you who suggested hairstyles, and I just had to go with the most popular response...it was too good. So, prepare yourself...and enjoy the chapter!!

* * *

Chapter 5 

Sasuke quivered from the memory of the afternoon. Never had he experienced such anger! How on earth could Neji think he was the master of emo?! The only real emo in Konoha?! Damn! He'd fallen farther than he'd thought—so that meant he needed to change even more drastically! And what he'd done at the hairstylist was certainly that. Sasuke hurried through his training regimen so that he could spend more time admiring the anything-but-emo teen in the mirror.

Fifteen smiles, twenty-five evil laughs, and thirty Itachi-taunts later, Sasuke was done. His training was exhausting! But, his hard work was paying off: his smiles were getting easier and smoother, and his evil laughs were positively blood-curdling. Itachi would be quivering in his pretty painted toenails for sure! Wiping a hand across his forehead, Sasuke smirked at a job well done. Now, he could admire himself properly!

At first, before the Neji—incident—he'd only intended to do a small part, but he changed his mind. All or nothing was the way to go! And there was nothing he wouldn't do to make himself stronger.

"Actually, it matches my sky-blue shirt quite well," he complimented himself, tilting his head in various directions to get a better look. Black was emo, so black was bad. Black, his hair was no longer. No, from root to tip, his silky, perfect Uchiha hair was…..blond. Not Naruto-blond (kami-forbid!), but a softer, almost Ino-blond.

Tentatively he ran his hand through it, creating quite a model shot. It was no wonder he had his own fanclub! And what was even funnier—through his clever intelligence gathering—they called themselves the SasukeSeven! Such modesty! …Or lack of counting ability….

He knew the truth. There were way more than seven members in his fanclub. There had to be! (After all, Itachi's fanclub had at least fifteen members….Sasuke remembered a particularly scary night when they'd been ambushed on the way home from Itachi's training…)

The SasukeSeven was superior to Itachi's ItAddicts, as they'd called themselves, for many, many reasons.

A brand-new taunt came to Sasuke! He assumed his traditional I-am-infinitely-better-than-you pose, and spat:

"Foolish little big brother! You don't have enough fangirls!! Or strength-ness!!" He polished it off with a cackling laugh.

Again, he was amazed at his progress. Discovering he was emo was the best thing that'd ever happened to him.

* * *

"Neji! We're here to help you!!" boomed Guy, doing a thumbs-up for no reason in particular. 

"You can't help me. No one can help me," Neji grumbled, trying to squeeze himself into the bushes, where he'd be out of everyone's sight.

"Never say never, Neji!" Lee exclaimed.

"I didn't."

"Stop being so negative!!" Guy cried. "It's a terrible thing for you to do to yourself! You shun all possibilities when you say 'no'!"

"Yeah!" Lee beamed, "I have no talent at all, but that never stopped me!! I said 'yes', and look where I am now!!!"

"Yelling at me?" Neji observed dryly. "Why can't you two just leave me alone and go prance through meadows or something?"

"We'd love to…but we can't! Because you wouldn't be with us!! We're a team, Neji, and even though we're bitter rivals who hate each other completely and utterly—" Lee began. Neji cringed. He'd known they were rivals, but he didn't think he was _that_ bad…oh, how his life sucked.

"—we're still teammates! And that means I have to put up with you, even when you're being an utter idiot and emo-wannabe," he finished. Guy wiped a tear from his eye.

"Oh, Lee!! That was so beautiful!!"

"Oh Guy-Sensei!!"

"LEEE!!!!"

"GUY-SENSEI!!!"

The two embraced and fell to their knees with emotion. Neji watched, wondering distantly if he should be the one being hugged. Wasn't he the one having a hard time? He needed a hug….no! He'd abandoned the world! He didn't need anybody!!

"……Lee?" Guy managed through a sob.

"Yes, Guy-Sensei?"

"What about Neji?"

"Oh, right…."

Neji sighed, and crawled further into the bushes. No one cared about him.

* * *

"So……did you hear that the Uchiha boy dyed his hair?" commented a man in the corner of the bar. In the opposite corner, another man nearly choked on his tea. Lucky for him, no one could recognize him, because he was sitting in the dark corner, where the shadows were thick and the light-bulb was out in the lamp above the booth. He was sitting in there for several reasons, the least not being that he was drinking tea in a bar at ten at night. 

Recovering from the near-death experience, he strained his ears to hear the rest of the conversation. Regrettably, the story-teller had become distracted by a microphone, and was currently belting out a horrible rendition of "Shinobi coming around the mountain."

Disgust finally forced him to leave his tea prematurely when the man began his eighth original verse an octave too high for any man.

But…if his story had even a smidgen of truth to it….

Alighting into the night, the overly mysterious man changed his plans….and headed straight for Konoha.

* * *

Orochimaru was very pleased with himself. In just a few hours he'd turned a small fracture into a complete split. The unified SasukeSeven was no more. Now, there was the Ino Faction, and the Tenten Tribe. Happily, Orochimaru joined Ino's side, along with Hinata. She did posses the hammer, after all. 

Sakura sided with Tenten, though why anyone would want to belong to a group called the Tenten Tribe was beyond Orochimaru. Must be a young girl thing. He needed to make note of it—apparently he still didn't understand the feminine gender as thoroughly as he though he did. There was still much to learn.

Now the two parts of the SasukeSeven were in a race to see who could 'correct' Sasuke's beauty-destructing ways. But, now that there was a gap….he had more influence than before. And, with a little manipulative luck, he could convince Ino and Hinata that Sasuke's baby-blue shorts were _quite _acceptable.

Sakura and Tenten were hopeless. They were too pig-headed for their own good. But Ino and Hinata were just waiting to be corrupted!!

"So, girls, what should we do as the first official act as the Ino Faction?" he asked casually.

"Something to tick off the Tribe," Ino huffed. Orochimaru nodded in strict agreement.

"I couldn't agree more…but what?" It was important she felt she had some control.

Ino banged her hammer listlessly. "I don't know!! Sakura's the geek who always got the good scores on her tests!"

"U-u-uh….well…..w-what if we…" Hinata asked the wall, oblivious to the fact she was facing exactly opposite of Ino. But at least she had her headband in its proper place!

"Turn around, Hinata."

"O-oh….s-sorry…." She hesitantly turned around. "B-but what if we g-got Sasuke to change his ways b-before they did?"

Ino slammed her hammer down in excitement. 'That's a wonderful idea Hinata!! It would just break their cold, unfeeling hearts if we saved Sasuke first!!"

Orochimaru tried not to show his disappointment. Couldn't they see Sasuke needed no help? If anything, he needed encouragement! If this continued, he'd finally have his Sharingan boy! Oh, if only Itachi weren't so scary….then he'd have a nice, two-piece brotherly set. Oh well. He could only ask for so much, and Sasuke would be just fine…

Maybe they just needed to see him. Perhaps they'd take a liking to the new Sasuke if they got a better chance to observe him. Orochimaru knew he would.

"Oh, girls? We can't…._help_…" the word tasted foul on his lengthy tongue, "…Sasuke if we can't talk to him. Why don't we go see him?"

"Of course! Sakura and Tenten wouldn't dream of actually going to _see _him! That's way too drastic for them!!" Ino squealed. "It's perfect! We'll just go up to him and tell him what we really think! And then he'll see the error of his perfect ways, and then he'll go back to normal!!"

"You mean….w-we actually have to t-t-talk to him…?" Hinata sounded absolutely mortified.

"Of course! How else can we tell him what we really think?" chided Ino.

Orochimaru blinked. This was another thing to note. A girl actually going up to another person and saying what she really thought? He could hardly imagine. Suddenly he was much more excited to see Sasuke.

"Well, come on girls! Time's wasting! Every second is another second that the Tenten Tribe could outdo us!"

"O-okay…."

"Yes!" Ino banged the hammer one final time. "On to Sasuke!!"

* * *

A/N: DUN DUN DUN. What will the Ino Faction think when they see Sasuke's new hair color? Who is the mysterious man who drinks tea in a bar at ten at night? Why does Neji's life suck so much? Will Orochimaru's devious plan suceed? There just might be answers in the next chapter!!! (But I make no promises--except that characters from the anime Naruto will be in the next chapter XDD!) 


	7. Buttercup Yellow

Disclaimer: I don't own it. If I did, everyone would be a lot more sarcastic.

A/N: Guys, I'm sorry this chapter took me so long to post! Being busy isn't much of an excuse...I mean, everyone else has a life too, and they get their chapters done...oh well. ; Please enjoy this chapter--I think it's the longest one yet...by about a hundred words or so. lol

EDIT: Grr, I just noticed that it didn't put the dividing lines in! It looked really confusing...but I think it's fixed now.

* * *

Chapter 7

"Oh Sasuke, you're so dreamy with your golden locks that hover around your depthless eyes…it's like a halo of sunlight framing two dark stars..." he murmured, his breath fogging up the mirror a little. Sasuke was still admiring his hair. It's not like he had a social life or anything to distract him from himself. He thought for a moment. How would his new hair look with red Sharingan? His eyes slid into scarlet and specks of black. After a moment of careful studying, Sasuke had to admit that the harsh red clashed a _little _with the baby blue and buttercup yellow. But no matter. At this rate, he wouldn't even need his Sharingan to defeat Itachi! A simple taunt and a chidori or two ought to do it.

Turning the Sharingan off, he gazed back at the mirror again. Nobody would dare call him emo again….

A knock.

Sasuke jumped, and knocked a bottle of hairspray off the vanity. It crashed to the floor with unnecessary noise.

"Oh no! Sasuke?! Are you alright?" squealed a voice. Sasuke groaned. He knew that irritating voice well. It was Ino. He kicked the offending can across the room, which also made a loud noise.

"S-s-sasuke?"

Hinata was there too?

"I'm coming!" he growled, and stalked over to the door. His hand hovered over the knob for a moment. This was it! The moment of his unveiling! He hoped his hair was in absolutely perfect condition, because he didn't have time to fix it. He gripped the knob firmly, took a calming breath, and opened the door.

"Oh Sasuke!! We just came to—" Ino's irritating voice stopped abruptly. Sasuke closed his eyes and smirked, making sure to run a hand tantalizingly through his practically luminescent hair.

"Uh……uh…..uh…………" Ino blinked rapidly, trying to make sure she wasn't hallucinating. Hinata heard her hesitation and blushed under her sight-obscuring bangs. She wished she could see whatever was happening, but she had to keep her forehead protected at all times!

"W-w-what is it, I-I-Ino?"

"Uh……uh….um….." Ino blinked again. Hinata took this as a bad sign. She squeaked, and poked her two index fingers together.

"W-w-hat? Is he na-na-naked or s-s-something?"

Sasuke's eyes shot open. What the hell was that Hyuuga's problem?

"WHAT?! Sasuke's naked?!" Orochimaru instantly forgot about the little baby snake he'd been trying to charm, and dashed over. When he saw that Sasuke did, in fact, have clothes on, his excited grin faltered a little, but in wasn't until he saw Sasuke's hair that it disappeared completely.

* * *

"I can't believe her!! How could she just _let_ that pedophile in?!" Tenten fumed.

"It's disgusting, really," Sakura agreed. "So…..how do we get back at her?"

Tenten grinned. "I'm sure there's plenty of ways to get her back. The real question is: what is the most painful way to exact our revenge?" She chuckled evilly. Sakura was slightly disturbed. This wasn't the usually sweet Tenten she knew…

"Uhhhh…we could get Sasuke to change his ways before they do?" Sakura suggested timidly. Tenten shook her head.

"No! They'll be expecting that…." She frowned and bit her thumb. It had to be something so sinister that Ino would never make fun of her again! And the Sasuke Seven could be renamed the SasukeTen!!

Suddenly she straightened, and a vile grin filled her face.

"I've got it!!"

* * *

"Neji, you haven't lost Tenten's heart!" Guy proclaimed. "You've only lost her eyes!! A woman's eyes are fickle and easily led astray!!"

"….What?"

"Look at you!! You're as plain and boring as they come!"

Neji looked down at himself. "I am…?"

Guy and Lee nodded simultaneously.

"You don't exactly stand out in the crowd with such dull clothes, dull eyes and a dull personality!" Lee exclaimed. Neji felt his battered self-esteem plummet. What was wrong with these people?! Couldn't they see he just wanted to be left alone?!

"Don't look so down Neji! We're going to get you back together with your true love!" Guy sighed. "Oh, the true love of youth….."

Neji sniffed. "Can't you just leave me alone so I can be emo?!"

Guy looked at him quizzically. "Excuse me?"

"Emo. You know, I-hate-my-life-and-I-hate-everything-in-it."

"YOU DO!?!?!?!?!? BUT WHY NEJI, WHY?!" Guy sniffed back tears, and put a firm hand on Lee's shoulder.

"T-t-that's so horrible Neji!" Lee wiped at his eyes. "How could you hate your life? Y-y-you have everything! You've got talent, you've got a clan name, and you've got the heart of a beautiful lady! W-w-what do you have to cry about?"

Neji almost remarked that he wasn't the one crying, but decided that would only call attention to himself, and he was having way too much of that lately.

"—I mean, if anyone here should be emo……" Lee choked pathetically on a sob. Neji wasn't sure if it was a real choke, or if he was only trying to win pity points. Either way, he was making a pretty pathetic sight of himself.

"—I SHOULD BE EMO!!!!" Lee wailed. His knees gave out, and he fell to the ground, right beside Neji, who tried one last time to become one with the bushes. Why couldn't he be a nice, thorny bush whose only purpose in life was to be a nice thorny bush?

"LEE!! NO!!" Guy fell down next to them. "You have so much going for you!!" Lee looked at the ground, trying to force his bowl-cut bangs into his eyes.

"Guy-sensei, let's be realistic here. I can't actually DO anything. All I do is taijutsu, which anyone else can do anyway, and to top it off, I don't even have a real style. I just copied it off you…."

"You DID?!"

Neji only stared. Guy _hadn't _noticed?

Unbelievably, Guy took a moment to digest this newest revelation. After a moment he sighed and stood back up.

"Well, Lee….while I am flattered that you copied me…it is still stealing a copyrighted style. In a way, it's plagiarism. You stole _my _idea of fashion…" Guy looked to the sky with the usual tears in his eyes. Lee slumped in shame. Neji couldn't believe it. How like them to take _his _moping-place, and _his _angsting, and make it into a drama for the two of them! No one ever cared about Neji! No! And now they were even making him feel like he shouldn't be complaining!! NO! Instead, he should just make it easier on himself, and just go get Tenten back. Tch. Why was it always him?!

"But Lee…." Guy put his hands on his hips, and glanced down at his despairing mini-me. "Everyone makes mistakes. But it takes a real man to learn from them and move on."

Oh, Neji got it. Now _he _wasn't a real man, because he was just trying to mope in his moping-place. Nooooooo. A real man should 'learn from his mistakes and move on'!

"B-but Guy-sensei…" protested Lee weakly, "I'm not the one you should be comforting. My troubles are small compared to Neji's…and he bears them without complaint!" On cue, Guy looked over at Neji with a concerned expression.

"Is this true Nej—"

"NO!! No! No no no no no! Don't come near me! I'm just going to go and get Tenten back by myself! You guys are absolutely hopeless!!" With that, Neji turned and ran off as fast as he possibly could. The last thing he wanted now was a comforting hug from Guy.

Guy watched Neji dash out of the Hyuuga complex. He waited an extra five minutes, just to be safe. Then, he reached down and helped Lee stand up.

"You know, Lee, I was really moved by your performance."

"Me too, Guy-sensei. I couldn't believe how convincing your act was! You're the best, as always, Guy sensei!!"

Guy's mouth twitched into a ridiculous grin.

"I can't believe he BELIEVED that! You were SO out of character, Lee!!"

"So were you, Guy-sensei!!"

"Oh, Lee!!"

"Guy-sensei!!"

The two embraced, and laughed. Then they cried, because they knew Neji was going to be all right again.

* * *

The closer the mysterious man got to Konoha, the more disturbing rumors he heard. Apparently, not only did the populace of the Fire Country have nothing better to do than to spy on a teenager, they talked _really _loudly to anybody who was close by. It sickened him. Wasn't this supposed to be a village of ninja? Shouldn't they all be quiet and sneaky?

Apparently not.

Regardless, he stuck to his shadows and kept his face down in public.

The more he heard, the more he knew he had to get to Konoha as quickly as possible, before irreversible damage was done.

He stopped again that night for tea, but he drank it quickly. He didn't even wait for it to cool. So, he spent the rest of the night jumping through conveniently placed trees with a sore, burnt tongue. Jumping through trees at night became boring after a time. He wished in vain for a flashback or something to make the time go faster. Unfortunately, he was too mysterious for a flashback. So he continued on, doing his best to ignore his oral agony and the tedium of leaping through trees.

* * *

Things at Sasuke's apartment began to get very, very awkward.

Sasuke was mildly perturbed that Orochimaru's grin had faltered a little upon the realization that he wasn't naked, but what really scared him was when Orochimaru's smile disappeared completely. This time, even Sasuke was perceptive enough to know something was wrong. Something besides the fact that a fifty-something old man was looking at him with bigger, shinier eyes than the two teenage girls.

"What?"

"I-I-is this the part where we tell him how we r-r-really feel?" stuttered Hinata.

"Um…how about no?" squeaked Ino.

"Girls! Emergency meeting!!" Orochimaru gasped. The three of them dashed off down the hallway.

"H-hey!! Wait a minute!!" Sasuke followed them. What the hell was going on!? Orochimaru looked over his shoulder, and made a peculiar noise when he saw Sasuke giving chase. Quickly, he turned a corner. Ino followed him, but Hinata, who had been following them solely by the sound of their feet…

SMACK!!

A loud clang of metal crashing into wall stopped everyone.

"OH MY GOD!! HINATA!!" Ino hurried back to the fallen Ino Faction member. Orochimaru was tempted to just continue running, but he figured that would look bad as a member. He reluctantly went to the blind-folded Hyuuga's side. Sasuke caught up. He raised an eyebrow.

"I think she's been knocked-out!" Ino exclaimed. Sasuke snorted. The Hyuuga Clan WAS loosing it. First wanna-be-emo Neji, and now a self-blinded Hyuuga?

"Well, at least she figured out how to wear her headband correctly," Sasuke muttered.

Hinata groaned.

"Ow…"

"Hinata! Are you okay?!" Ino asked, a tiny part of her mind wondering if she sounded cheesy. Oh well.

"Sasuke…." Hinata's voice was a mere whisper, "We…….were going to tell you….some…ng…."

Ino laughed nervously. Great. Hinata was stunned or something. And now she was going to tell Sasuke how they really felt! Wonderful. At least she hadn't seen the horror that was….Ino glanced up at Sasuke, and shuddered. Buttercup yellow?! What was wrong with him? It was more like he'd run face-first into a wall, instead of Hinata. It almost made her want to….no!! She couldn't!! A member of the SasukeSeven was a member for life! Even if Sasuke had completely lost his mind. After all, wasn't that true love?

"We…..we wanted to tell you…"

Hey. Something was different about Hinata. But what—

"…that we think your new style is…"

--she wasn't stuttering!

"terrible—"

"OH MY GOD!!!"

"—ly—"

"HINATA!!! YOU'RE—"

"—attractive and—"

"—NOT STUTTERING!!"

"—handsome—"

"WOW!!"

"—what?"

Sasuke ignored the fact that Hinata had suddenly learned how to speak properly, and focused solely on what he had heard Hinata say between Ino's very irritating yells. They thought his new style was terribly attractive and handsome!! HA! Choke on that Itachi!!

"Mwahahahahahaha….." He giggled under his breath.

"What did you say, Sasuke?" Orochimaru asked, taking a step towards him.

"Nothing." Sasuke took a step away.

Ino tried to get Hinata to speak again. It was so nice to hear her complete a full sentence without stuttering a thousand times! Too bad it had been a little _too _truthful….did she really have to add the part about how terrible and girly he looked? And judging by the twisted look on Sasuke's (still handsome, regardless of the terrible yellowed mess that surrounded his gorgeous depthless eyes) face, he'd heard every word.

"W-w-what's going o-o-on?" Hinata mumbled, trying to sit up.

"Oh no! You're stuttering again!!" wailed Ino. Would nothing go right today?

"W-w-what happened?"

Ino sighed. Great. She didn't even remember it.

"You know, Hinata, that's just the thing I needed to hear from you," Sasuke stated confidently, straightening his back.

"R-r-really?"

"Now I know for sure that I can go kill that moronic strengthless, weakly imbecile!" He smiled, very pleased that such an insult came very easy to him now. Making sure he was standing tall and strong, he strode off, ignorant of the true reason of their visit, and all else except his new mission: find and utterly destroy Itachi.

They watched him walk off. Ino grimaced at his golden spikes. Orochimaru's eyes were quite a bit lower than eye-level.

Hinata just laid on the ground, completely confused. But, she was happy that, even though she'd been knocked-out cold, she wasn't even going to have a bruise. Her forehead had been protected!

* * *

A/N: I want to say thanks to everyone who's reading and reviewing!! I love all of you, thank you so much! It's really inspiring to know that someone out there actually enjoys what I do in my spare time.

I would also like to say that I think there are only one or two chapters left, so I hope you will all stick around to see how if Sasuke ever realizes how terrible his new style looks, and who could the mysterious, burt-tongued tea drinker be?


	8. The Grand Finale

Disclaimer: Own it? No I don't.

A/N: FINALLY! Sorry guys, for taking so long (if anyone's going to still be reading this after two months) but it's finally finished! The chapter is long, but I didn't want to make it two chapters. This is actually pretty different from the other ones, and it starts out a bit slow, but bear with it. I had to build up to the climax!! XD

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the grand finale.

* * *

Sasuke growled under his breath. _That _man had to be around here somewhere….he just had to be! There was no alternative! He was all pumped up and ready to fight—that, of course, meant that his evil devils' spawn of a brother must be lurking around somewhere, because obviously he'd come straight to Konoha when he sensed the main character was ready to kill him! And of course, he was the main character. 

Still…Konoha was not exactly a little place. There were many buildings and semi-dark corners the bastard could be hiding in. Sasuke spent his first few hours hunting around in various tea shops—Itachi liked his tea. When that didn't work, Sasuke decided to start rummaging around in nail salons and the like. There was no other explanation for the man having such irritatingly perfect nails.

Indeed, he still had much searching to do.

* * *

"Members of the Ino Faction! I can't stress how awful this is!!" Ino wailed. 

"I don't t-t-think it's so bad…" Hinata mumbled. "S-so what if he's running around Konoha n-n-naked? That's a good thing, isn't it? Ino snarled and whacked Hintata on her forehead-protector with her hammer.

"For the last time, Hinata!!! He was NOT naked!!"

Orochimaru sniffed. "Hey, let the girl dream! Just because your life is soulless and empty doesn't mean you have to take it out on her!!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"

"You heard what I said! And, like," Orochimaru huffed, "this is not a time to be split apart even more than we already are! I support the baby-blue clothes, but the hair is taking it way too far! We need to catch up to him before everyone sees him and starts getting ideas!!"

Hinata nodded.

Ino sighed and dropped her hammer.

"I'm sorry guys….I guess you're right. All this time….I've been such a bitch!"

Orochimaru shrugged, "Well, I wasn't going to go that far…but you've pretty much summed up what I'm thinking of you."

"C-Can you ever forgive me?" Ino asked humbly.

"Hey, what a friend's for," Orochimaru smiled, patting her on the back. "Now, let's go save Sasuke, right?"

"Yeah."

He turned to Hinata.

"Hinata, I promise, if we find him naked, you get to go first."

Hinata's face turned so red Ino thought it might explode. Then the Hyuga nodded, and smiled, "Damn right I will!"

Orochimaru stared in surprise, then grinned ferociously. "You get 'em girl!!"

Ino pointed in a random direction, and yelled, "TO SASUKE!!"

* * *

Finally, after a very long night, the mysterious man arrived in Konoha. He considered going to get tea—in fact, he almost had a strange compulsion to go to a place where he might easily be found. Unfortunately, his tongue still hurt from being burnt, and decided to get a quick nap instead. Regrettably, even mysterious figures like himself had to sleep once in a while. 

He waltzed in to the nearest hotel, and quickly got a room. Upon entering the room, he tossed off his cloak and fell backwards onto the bed—

--but he didn't hit the oddly lumpy, but always bouncy mattress usually found in hotels. No, he hit something much harder and scalier.

"Damn it Kisame!"

"Dude, get off of me, Itachi," Kisame grunted. "I was sleeping here."

Slightly ruffled, Itachi jumped off the bed and pretended he meant to crash on his partner.

"You don't have to pretend, you know," Kisame remarked. "Gawd. I swear, your Uchiha pride is ridiculous."

"Oh, shut up."

"And by the way, I have the weirdest feeling that you need to be found by someone, somewhere."

"Tch. Not until I get my beauty sleep for my beautiful face," Itachi grumbled, jumping on the other bed.

Kisame sighed and rolled over. Why on earth did he get stuck with a girl for a partner?

* * *

"You know…maybe we should follow Neji. We might as well see the fruits of our youthful labors!" Guy suggested happily. Lee balked. 

"Y-You mean…._spy_ on him?" He gasped. "Guy-Sensei!! We can't interrupt Neji's big moment of confronting Tenten and their romantic moment afterwards!!"

"No. But we _can _watch." Guy grinned, causing a random sparkle. "And it's our responsibility as his friends to make sure that everything goes just perfect!"

"Of course Guy-Sensei! I should not have questioned your judgment!"

"Then get the camera, my little clone, and we shall go after Neji!!"

* * *

"Damn!" Sasuke swore. He had a stitch in his side from running around for hours. Itachi wasn't in the nail salons, he wasn't in the hair salons, he wasn't in the dango shop….where could his brother possibly be? It was taking him too long to find him. At this rate, he'd be exhausted by the time he found his brother…Not to mention everyone running around was starting to get very repetitive. There was only one thing he could do now….HAVE A FLASHBACK!! 

He took off running again, and looked around for random objects to trigger a flashback. Ah-ha! Across the street was Konoha Outfitters!

Flashback

Sasuke sauntered confidently off in the presumable direction of the dressing room; regrettably, he couldn't see over the pile of tri-colored clothing. No matter. As an Uchiha he was born with a dangerously accurate sense of direction and the ability to pull off anything with grace and poise. Ah yes, it was good to be an Uchiha.

He felt himself hit the floor before he realized he'd tripped. The culprit? Sasuke removed himself from his face-plant into the clothes (luckily they'd broken his fall) and turned to see…..a big yellow sign that read "Caution: Wet Floor". Irritatingly enough, it was also illustrated with a stick-figure shinobi face-planting on the stick-figure floor. Sasuke growled at it and stood up with deadly intent. The sign would live no longer. He would turn it into a pile of charred, black ashes.

Blinking, he examined that train of thought.

No, he corrected, he would turn it into a pile of charred, _gray _ashes. Black was not an option!

Before he managed to perform the proper hand signs for turning offending yellow signs into piles of charred grey ashes, it struck Sasuke that if no one had seen his fall, then there was no point hovering around the scene of the crime! His dignity might yet be saved!

End Flashback

Sasuke shuddered. Those were scary times…back in the days he was still emo. Ick. The thought made him sick. He stopped running and looked around…Dang it! He'd only run a couple blocks. That wouldn't do at all. More time needed to be taken up! And, when there was nothing else to do….it was time for another flashback!

Flashback

"Damn!" Sasuke swore. He had a stitch in his side from running around for hours. Itachi wasn't in the nail salons, he wasn't in the hair salons, he wasn't in the dango shop….where could his brother possibly be? It was taking him too long to find him. At this rate, he'd be exhausted by the time he found his brother…Not to mention everyone running around was starting to get very repetitive. There was only one thing he could do now….HAVE A FLASHBACK!!

He took off running again, and looked around for random objects to trigger a flashback. Ah-ha! Across the street was Konoha Outfitters!

End Flashback

"Damn it!" Sasuke hissed. "That just happened a second ago!!" Why couldn't he flashback to something useful? Something that would make the audience really, really hate Itachi. Of course! That painful memory would show them!

Flashback

"You are weak," Itachi whispered. "Why are you weak?...Because you have…" He grinned evilly and leaned in closer, "Too many flashbacks."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

End Flashback

"I don't have too many flashbacks," Sasuke muttered. That would make them hate Itachi for sure.

He randomly decided he should start trying hotels. The first one he came across, he went in and asked the woman at the counter, "Have you seen a man who walks around in darkened corners with pretty nails who was probably drinking some sort of tea?"

The woman thought for a moment.

"You mean that guy who just checked in four hours ago? He wasn't drinking anything, but he did want some Tylenol for his burnt tongue. He's in room 123, on the third floor."

Sasuke's fist clenched. He'd found him.

"We found you!!" Ino yelled, leaping for Sasuke. Sasuke jumped aside---right into Orochimaru's arms.

"AHG!!!"

"Hi Sasuke," Orochimaru purred.

"AGHHHH!!!" Sasuke disentangled himself and jumped over towards Hinata, who was still wearing her forehead-protector over her eyes.

"Sasuke, we've really got to talk," Ino gasped. "Your hair—"

Sasuke flicked a buttercup bang out of his non-emo face. "Ino, I can't talk about my beauty right now. My brother is upstairs, and I must go kill him."

"—But!!"

"Ino, this is kind of important. But you can come watch me kick his ass, if you want," offered Sasuke. Without waiting for a reply, Sasuke stepped into a convenient elevator and pushed the button for the third floor. The doors shut before the members of the Ino Faction could catch him.

"Crap!" Orochimaru hissed. "We'll never catch him in time!!"

"Quick!" Ino yelled. "The stairs!"

The three started running up the stairs. Could they make it before Sasuke caught up to Itachi….?

* * *

There was a knock on the door. Kisame looked over at Itachi. 

"Well, aren't you going to get it?"

Itachi rolled over. "No. You're closer to the door. You get it."

Kisame rolled his eyes and got up. As he walked to the door, he muttered under his breath. "It's always, Kisame do this. Kisame do that. No one ever appreciates me." He undid the dead bolt, and opened the door. A blond boy in rather….gay…colored clothes stood there, with red eyes that clashed with everything and a pathetic kind of death-glare.

Itachi sat up, but did not look at the door.

"Uchiha….Sasuke…"

The blond boy grimaced. "Uchiha….Itachi."

Kisame sighed. Why did they always have to be so dramatic?

"All right you two…now that you've introduced each other, could you get on with it?"

"My pleasure," Sasuke snarled.

"WAIT!!!!" Ino, Orochimaru, and Hinata yelled, panting as they ran up the last flight of stairs. "Sasuke, don't—"

"Is Tenten here?" Neji asked, following the girls up the stairs. "She and I have to talk."

"That pig-headed bitch isn't here," Ino huffed, crossing her arms. "She has abandoned Sasuke in his time of greatest need!!"

Neji's eyes lit up. "R-really?" A speck of hope fluttered in his chest. If Tenten wasn't here for Sasuke…then maybe…she wasn't in love with him anymore? He did have a chance!!

"Sasuke…" Itachi spoke barely above a whisper, but it was easily audible to all in attendance. Perhaps it was because an air of extreme awkwardness had fallen over the group, creating utter silence. "I've heard….many things about you."

Sasuke smirked. "Really? Well, it's only natural that the word would spread of my new strength."

Ino shared a horrified look with Orochimaru.

Itachi stood up and looked out the window. "New….strength? There is no strength…other than hatred, of course."

"Tch. Like I was gonna follow your orders like a dog!" Sasuke growled, taking a step into the room. Kisame took a step towards him, blocking him from going any further. Apparently, Itachi knew what was going on without looking.

"Sit, Kisame."

"—But—"

"I said sit!"

Kisame muttered some more under his breath, but went and sat down on his bed. Sasuke raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Itachi started to turn his head—

"DON'T!" Ino squealed. "He's not ready yet!! He's—"

"He's naked?" Hinata squeaked. She twitched, and then dashed for where she presumed Sasuke to be, and pounced, pinning a warm body underneath her.

THUD!!

"Wha--!!"

"You're mine first!!" Hinata stated, trying to keep the struggling body beneath her.

Everyone except for Itachi, who was wise enough not to turn around, stood with their mouths agape. No one knew how to approach the new situation.

"Hinata! What the heck! Get off of me!!" Neji gasped, fighting to breathe from her strangling grip. Hinata paused, obviously confused.

"Huh? N-Neji?"

Before she could straighten herself out and get off her very disturbed cousin, something else happened.

"What the he—" Itachi's voice was mildly surprised.

"MWHWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! NOW SASUKE WILL FOREVER LOVE THE TENTEN TRIBE BETTER THAN THE INO FACTION!!" Sakura yelled at the top of her lungs, holding the ends of the net which Itachi found himself ensnared in. She and Tenten stood on the windowsill of the open window. Both had their hands triumphantly on their hips. Sasuke blinked. Surely his eyes were seeing things. Itachi wasn't standing in a very generic net, the likes of which was used in almost every Pokemon episode by Jesse and James. He blinked again, and his eyes opened up to the same sight. Apparently, Itachi really was standing in a very generic net. How bizarre. And what was all this about the Tenten Tribe?

Tenten and Sakura posed a little longer for effect, and to rub it in the awestruck faces of Ino, Orochimaru, and Hin—

Tenten's mouth fell open.

"NEJI!!!"

The voice of his love gave Neji the adrenaline to push Hinata off him.

"Tenten, I—"

"Neji!!! That's disgusting! She's your….your cousin!!" Tenten spat, obviously disgusted. Neji felt his face heat up.

"It's not what it looks like—I came here to get you back!!"

Tenten frowned. "Get me back from what?"

Neji sniffed, and straighten up. "Tenten, I know you lost your faith in me ever since I lost to Naruto in the Chunnin Exam, but no matter how many times I get uppercut by a blonde idiot, I will always love you!!"

"…Neji…" Tenten's conflict was evident on her face. She looked at Sakura, then back to Neji. Then she saw Sasuke, in all of his blonde glory. The sight made her recoil in horror. Since when had Sasuke dyed his hair that awful color?! Well, that made her shallow little mind up immediately. She got down off the windowsill.

"I'm sorry Neji. We just wanted to kill Itachi for Sasuke so that Sasuke would love us more than those idiots in the Ino Faction, but…I guess that was a stupid thought. All of us girls have been fighting over a stupid boy…we kinda lost sight of what is really important."

"Does that mean I can have him?" piped Orochimaru.

"NO!" Ino, Hinata, Sakura, Tenten, and Sasuke said simultaneously.

"Awww….."

"Could you ever forgive me, Neji?" Tenten asked.

Neji shrugged. "Sure. I guess my destiny is better than I thought it was."

"Tenten," Ino sniffed. "That was a beautiful speech. And I want to say that…I'm sorry for all of the terrible things I've said about you and Sakura! Really, in the end, we're still all members of the SasukeSeven."

"Yeah," Tenten agreed.

"Yeah!" Hinata and Sakura chimed.

Neji's smile disappeared. "Wait…you're still going to be in the SasukeSeven?"

"Well, of course!" Tenten replied. "I mean, he still is the hottest boy in Konoha, second only to you, Neji."

Neji almost protested, but shrugged his shoulders again. "I guess that's still better than me being emo."

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

"Am I still a member of the SasukeSeven, then?" Orochimaru asked.

"No!" All of the girls answered in unison.

"But I'm—" Orochimaru began.

"Hey!! Wait a minute here!!" Sasuke yelled. "This is supposed to be MY big fight scene with my brother! This is what the WHOLE STORY has been leading up too!! Not some stupid touching reunion between everyone! This is supposed to be a bloody, gory, brutal fight to the DEATH!!"

"Well, excuse us for having some sort of a life, Sasuke!" Neji said.

"Tch. You're all just jealous of me. Now, Sakura, let Itachi out of that net so that he can face me, and we can fight!" Sasuke demanded. How could this be happening?! His big moment, the one he'd been waiting for, training for, and becoming not emo for was here, and everyone else was distracting him from it!

Sakura hesitated. "Are you sure you just don't want me to kill him right now, Sasuke? It's not like he could escape from this—"

Itachi walked calmly out of the shredded net.

"—Oh."

The evil older Uchiha walked over to the corner, where Kisame was huddling in fear.

"What's wrong with him?" Sasuke asked sarcastically.

"N-n-net….." Kisame shuddered. Itachi poked him with his toe.

"Get up Kisame, the net is gone."

"B-b-but….it's a n-net…."

"Get up. I destroyed it."

Shakily Kisame got to his feet, and glanced over at the torn remains of the net. He shivered, but seemed to look a little less pale blue.

"What was that about?" Sakura asked.

"Kisame doesn't like nets, because he's had some bad experiences with them in the past," Itachi explained. "Long story short, the Mist villagers mistook him for a fish one day."

Sakura looked at Kisame sympathetically, "Oh. I'm sorry."

"THAT'S IT!!! ITACHI, YOU ARE GOING TO FIGHT ME RIGHT NOW!!! NO MORE EXCUSES OR INTERFERRANCES!!" Sasuke roared, glaring around the room at everyone to make his deadly intentions clear.

"Very well, Sasuke. If you insist," Itachi remarked calmly.

Everything came down to this. Sasuke stood in a fighting stance, his every muscle taut and ready for action. In a moment, he would find out. Was he still too emo? Or had he finally cast that dark part of his life aside, to gain true strength? The true strength that would kill Itachi and avenge his clan, the true strength he had sought for so long.

Finally, Itachi turned around. Their eyes met. Sasuke stood completely still, waiting for a reaction.

At first, nothing happened. Then Itachi started to quiver.

Sasuke fought back a smirk of triumph! He was quivering in fear!!!

Then he heard a noise. It was barely audible at first, and he wasn't sure if he was imagining it—but it didn't stop. He couldn't even tell if it was Itachi or not—Itachi's cloak blocked any view of his mouth. It got louder and louder, and when Sasuke finally realized what it was, he felt his stomach take a nose-dive.

Itachi was laughing.

And not in just a 'ha-ha, that's funny' sort of way, he was clutching his sides and _laughing_. He laughed and laughed. Everyone just stared. They'd seen many strange things this day, but this was the strangest of all. Uchiha Itachi, the genius and murderer of his clan, the most introverted and taciturn of people, was _laughing_. Kisame stared, his blue jaw slack in wonder. In all the years of being his partner, he'd never seen him laugh.

Orochimaru stared.

Guy and Lee, who'd been hiding at the other end of the hallway, were infinitely glad they'd brought their video camera. Not only had they gotten the dramatic and emotional reunion of the SasukeSeven, and the admission of love from Neji, but now they were getting Itachi laughing his ass off.

Neji, though he felt a little out of the loop, managed to feel stunned.

The SasukeSeven watched in a mix of astonishment and horror—they'd never seen anything like this, but more concerning—how was their beloved Sasuke going to handle this kind of humiliation? If only they'd managed to tell him sooner about the fatal error of his ways.

The combined emotion of every other spectator was nothing compared to the hurricane in Sasuke. In that single moment of realization, all of the strength went out of him. He couldn't even focus his Sharingan on the man—every sense seemed to be consumed with that noise, that terrible, awful noise of Itachi's mirth. It rang through his skull and burned straight through his heart, and all he could think about was that surely the torture he'd been put through with the Mangekyou's Tsukiyomi was nothing compared to this. Numbly he realized he'd fallen to his knees.

_Why?_ He thought. _I did everything I could to raise myself from my emo ways. What have I been doing all of this time?_

Sasuke stared numbly at the ground, which was probably for the best, because now Itachi had to lean on Kisame to keep from falling over.

A rougher note was added to Itachi's baritone laugh—Kisame had started giggling too. The laughter was viciously contagious, and the ridiculousness of the situation was beginning to set in. Then Orochimaru fell prey to it; then Guy and Lee in the hallway. Neji started next, and then Tenten couldn't help herself either.

The worst part was that now, most of them were laughing only because everyone else was laughing—nothing was really funny, except for the fact that they found it funny.

The rest of the SasukeSeven put up a tough fight—after all, the laughter was because of Sasuke, but eventually, even they started to snicker.

To Sasuke, the sounds of their laughter was like hearing the screaming demons of hell. All of his dignity and his genetic Uchiha pride was crushed in a single, painful instantaneous eternity. And just before he completely cracked…the greatest betrayal of all.

At first he thought he was crying. But no. It was something far worse than that. A single chuckle escaped his lips. Over the roar, he heard the thud that was Itachi falling to the floor with laughter, and that was it. He couldn't resist any longer. He started laughing and laughing and laughing.

"…..Oh…….oh…ohmygod…." Itachi wheezed, holding his sides. "Ohgod…my sides………owww……." He stopped and lay gasping for air. Slowly, the laughter died down as everyone tried to catch their breath and sooth their aching sides. Everyone had almost stopped laughing, when Neji snickered, and that set everyone off again.

This time, when it ended, everyone was in far too much pain to start up again, and most of them were on the floor.

"Sasuke……..the look on your facewasPRICELESS!!" Itachi gasped. "I'd heard rumors about your new style….but I didn't imagine it would be so BAD!! Oh…..oh god….You slay me, little brother, really, you do…"

Sasuke sat up with wide eyes. "Really?" A ridiculous smile covered his face. He sprang up.

"I did it!! I did it!! I KILLED ITACHI!!! I really did it!!" Sasuke jumped around. "Sakura! I avenged my clan!!"

"H-huh?" Sakura didn't understand this sudden leap from utter humiliation to jubilation.

"I slew Itachi! He died laughing!!" exclaimed Sasuke.

"But…" Sakura glanced over at Itachi, who was still catching his breath….the fact that he was breathing was a good indication that he was still alive.

"He said so himself! I slew him!!" Sasuke chortled, taking Sakura's hands and dancing around the room with her. Needless to say, she was very, very confused. But hey, if Sasuke was dancing with her, she could deal with that.

"God….Kisame, help me up," Itachi said, holding his hand up. Kisame frowned, but didn't mutter under his breath. He grabbed the offered hand and pulled him up. On his feet again, Itachi brushed his cloak off, and resumed a dignified position. Kisame looked at him in a whole new light. He'd always known Itachi was mentally unstable, but he didn't know he was completely crazy.

Sasuke had switched dancing partners, and was now waltzing around with Ino.

Just in case, Neji glared at Tenten, who blushed and shrugged sheepishly. She stepped closer to Neji, to assure him she wasn't going to be joining Sasuke.

Sasuke danced around the room, then let go of Ino and snatched up the next waiting member of the SasukeSeven, who happened to be…

"Egh!! Don't touch me!" Sasuke pushed Orochimaru away and dashed towards Hinata. Orochimaru stuck out his lip in a pout and turned away. "Fine, be that way…"

"You know," Neji remarked, "Now that everyone's in a disgustingly good mood, I think I can say that, Hinata, if you want to wear your headband around your neck, go ahead! You can just call it a neck protector!"

"R-really Neji?" Hinata slipped her headband off her eyes and returned it to its rightful place around her neck. "Oh, I can see again!" Her eyes fell on Sasuke, whom she remembered only with dark hair. "Eeep!! I-I-Ino! You can have him first n-now!"

"Come, Kisame," Itachi said. "Our work here is done."

"Huh?"

"Hopefully my foolish little brother realizes now that there is more than one way to skin a weasel….and that…" He took a deep breath. "THAT COLOR OF HAIR SUCKS, SASUKE!!"

Sasuke was now all the way down the hall with Hinata, and he yelled back, "I'll kill you, you bastard!!"

Itachi nodded.

"As it should be. Let's go Kisa—" He looked, and saw that Kisame had already crawled out the window, in an effort to escape the increasing insanity. Itachi frowned. "Damn it Kisame! Heel boy, heel!" And he leapt out the window too, into the sunset, to rejoin the Akatsuki and leave Konoha alone for the moment.

Itachi's departure was hardly noticed, but only a few moments after he left, the group began to disperse.

Orochimaru, who couldn't bear to watch Sasuke waltz with everyone but him, left to plot more ways to woo the younger Uchiha.

Neji asked Tenten to dinner, who agreed on the condition that he pay for the meal.

Ino, Sakura, and Hinata decided to go home and have lives beyond that of the SasukeSeven and the presence of Sasuke.

Sasuke himself promptly dashed to Konoha Outfitters, and bought new clothes—in both blue _and _black. He also made a mental note to see if he could find some obscure jutsu that would make his hair grow out faster, so that he could regain his natural midnight color. Maybe, since he was obsessed with them, Orochimaru might have a jutsu for that.

The last two to leave were Guy and Lee, who dashed into the room previously occupied by the two Akatsuki members, so that they could pose and hug in front of the setting sun.

"Lee, we did good."

"Yes, Guy-Sensei, we did!"

"The power of youth will always prevail in the end, as well as digital video footage!!" Guy grinned. Lee bit his lip.

"Umm…about that, Sensei…"

"What?"

"Ahh….I accidentally crushed the camera when I was rolling around laughing."

"…Crap."

* * *

Because of the camera being destroyed, everyone returned to life as usual, and all lived under the delusion that those few days had never happened—after all, there was no evidence, and if there was no evidence, there was no crime. Or so they though. 

"Wow, I can't wait to show this to everyone," Naruto laughed, holding his camera. "This is going to be such great blackmail potential….I'll never have to buy ramen again!"

* * *

A/N: Very generic ending, but I'm pleased with it all the same. Please tell me what you thought--all comments are welcome, and thanks once again for reading!! 


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